Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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