next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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