I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
