she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
