Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
