Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
