Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
