hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
