Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
