I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
