somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you didnt know i had herpes?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A bitchslap is in order.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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