Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
