i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize