that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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