I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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