my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
