It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
