her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
