why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
