it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
