I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
