The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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