I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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