i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
