They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
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I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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