when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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