In the future we'll all be gay
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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