you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
