Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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