It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
