I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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