Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
