woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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