If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
