Plan B is the new Plan A
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
