Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When are your genitals available?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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