every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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