And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
