Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
