just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this will be a night to untag.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
