Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize