Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
