help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
