Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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