My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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