Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...

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  (615): I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look... http://tfl.nu/yc9r
  Replies (8) Good night (1198) Bad night (3086)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.

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  (479): he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that. http://tfl.nu/u07t
  Replies (65) Good night (734) Bad night (4214)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.

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  (419): My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day. http://tfl.nu/rvy5
  Replies (6) Good night (3591) Bad night (951)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  this is something i pride myself on being below average for

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  (920): this is something i pride myself on being below average for http://tfl.nu/tsy8
  Replies (7) Good night (2608) Bad night (1362)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

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  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10843) Bad night (1444)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...

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  (812): Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this... http://tfl.nu/q2aq
  Replies (13) Good night (4374) Bad night (1157)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.

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  (608): I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her. http://tfl.nu/42b2
  Replies (6) Good night (3322) Bad night (988)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my self respect just called, its having a good time without me

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  (856): my self respect just called, its having a good time without me http://tfl.nu/iprn
  Replies (9) Good night (3245) Bad night (1236)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm

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  (678): in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm http://tfl.nu/30ts
  Replies (3) Good night (2027) Bad night (1158)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.

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  (631): I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex. http://tfl.nu/s72v
  Replies (4) Good night (1938) Bad night (846)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me

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  (773): I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me http://tfl.nu/kij5
  Replies (9) Good night (1782) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!

  (408): View more from California

  For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?

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  (831): You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!! (408): For my parents' annivery card? How high are you? http://tfl.nu/qppn
  Replies (2) Good night (1734) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.

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  (919): You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober. http://tfl.nu/j9kh
  Replies (0) Good night (529) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE

  (585): View more from New York

  AND NO VODKA

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  (585): We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE (585): AND NO VODKA http://tfl.nu/16y5
  Replies (3) Good night (362) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.

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  (320): Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/w1jr
  Replies (3) Good night (373) Bad night (759)

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