I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though