life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.