I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We have started to decorate penises.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck