My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.