using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dating After Heartbreak
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet