we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
