You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
