I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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