Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
