So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
