Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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