My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
