First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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