Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
