I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
