Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
