Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
two words: eviction party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
