My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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