i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
